Stages of Grief
by aryssamonster
Summary: Everyone deals with grief in their own ways. For these two, it was simple and unconscious. They both needed someone. They found each other. Show compliant. LoVe.
1. s1e15

**The first thing I've written in a good long while. My Veronica Mars obsession started up again a few days ago when I bought the first season DVD set. I always was a huge LoVe fan. I'm also a bit of an insomniac. Insomnia generally results in random one shot ficlets.**

**This is supposed to take place during s01e15, Ruskie Business. Logan just discovered that the person using the credit cards that belonged to his deceased mom is actually his sister Trina. This story is Veronica's point of view of everything.  
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What do you do when a constant in your life abruptly ceases to be constant? How do you deal when you're forced to question something that you've always accepted as a cold, hard fact?

Logan Echolls had been a constant in my life as long as I'd lived in Neptune. Always a jerk, even to the ones he was close to. He was moody and tempermental. He'd attacked me in countless ways, even before Lilly's death. Over the past year, I'd go as far as to say that he'd become unbearable. I'd always chalked that up to a disagreeable personality type; that maybe his DNA just got stuck in perpetual jackass mode.

Now I'm having to rethink my judgments and relearn what I always thought were undeniable truths.

I knew from the start that Logan's search for his mom was just a fragile situation waiting to happen. But how do you tell someone something like that? How are you supposed to point out to a person how deluded they are and how desperate they've become? I never had the heart to do that, although it is part of my job. I couldn't bring myself to crush the faint spark of hope Logan had found.

My silence landed us somewhere I never would've expected just a couple days before. Now, we sit in a hotel lobby with his head buried in my shoulder. His entire body shakes with the force of his sobs. I want to get him out of the hotel. People are watching and this feels much too intimate for that. Even I feel uncomfortable witnessing it, but he's drawn me into his grief. He holds me close, his arms encircle me completely. It's almost like he thinks that I can take some of the pain away if he can just pull me close enough.

I wish I could. As cheesy as it sounds, my heart aches on his behalf. At least I still have a shot at tracking down my mom. He's finally realized that his is gone for good. Money and motivation aren't going to bring her back.

I kiss him gently on the top of the head and whisper, "Come on, Logan. Let's get outside."

Numbly, he trails along after me as I lead him through the parking lot and towards his car. He's grasping my hand tightly in his. I get the feeling that I'm his last tether to the real world. At least, for right now. In a few hours, the first wave of grief will roll away and he'll understand that he'll get through it. He'll survive and he won't need me to help him along. But for now, he needs someone. Who am I to leave him alone in his state?

Unlocking his car, I usher him into the backseat and slide in next to him. Immediately, he clings to me again. I rub his back soothingly. It's awhile before I notice that his sobs have calmed. He's breathing easier. It seems that the initial bout of shock has passed.

"Thank you, Veronica," he says solemnly, trying to catch my eye.

I look away, saying nothing in response. I just continue to hold onto him. The realization hits me like an anvil. I need someone too. And somewhere in the back of my mind, a thought lurks unbidden. As much as I want him to move on with his life, I wish he'd need someone just a bit longer. Moreover, I wish he'd need _me _rather than just a someone.


	2. s1e18

**I didn't actually intend to write a second chapter. Random inspiration hit. Here we go again.**

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**My heart beats wildly in my chest. I can feel every pulse, acknowledging the blood that runs through my veins. Soon, that same blood may very well be on the ground, dying the dirty carpet of a seedy motel room a dark scarlet.

Ben has a firm grip on my forearm. He insists that I need to come with him. Even though I'm replying in my typical snarky way, it's just a front to buy me some time. Inside, I'm terrified. As I'm led up the stairs and towards the last door in the row at the Camelot, I can't help but wonder if I'll ever come out of that room.

Ben keeps talking while he reaches for the doorknob with one hand and grasps my arm in the other. In a few short minutes, I'll be inside and it'll be that much harder to escape.

'Come on, Veronica, think!'

My heart is racing and my mind is blank. For once, I can't think of a way out of my situation. I take a deep breath, steeling myself to make a break for it the second I can. Ben opens the door.

Then all of a sudden, Logan flies out of nowhere, fists at the ready. Surprised, Ben drops my arm. I jump back and, with a gasp, watch Logan punch Ben across the face as hard as he can. In that spilt second, I can't help but notice that even in fits of rage, Logan is gorgeous.

When I spot something on the floor, I quickly pick it up and take a look. Logan continues to lay into Ben. I almost don't want to show him what I found, Ben scared me so badly. However, my morals win out.

"Logan, stop!" I call, half reluctantly, and hold up the badge, "He's a federal agent."

Logan's eyes widen and, abruptly, he gets off the guy. However, even now that he knows who Ben really is, he stands next to me protectively. Something about that fills my stomach with butterflies. All I want to do is fall into his arms, but I push that urge down. I have work to do, and besides, it's Logan Echolls.

Ben takes us into his room. His eyes keep darting between me and Logan. It's obvious that he wants Logan to leave. I bite my lip awkwardly. I want Logan to stay with me. Even though he's lurking in a corner, I still can't help but feel safe.

"Can we talk? Alone?" Ben says pointedly.

"I'm not going anywhere," Logan replies firmly.

I look between the two of them awkwardly. I need to know what Ben's going to say, but I sense that he won't tell me if Logan stays in the room.

"Logan, it's fine," I try to sound confidant. His eyes meet mine, searching them. After a moment, he nods and takes a step forward.

"Alright. But don't close the door all the way."

As he steps outside, he takes one last look at me. I can tell he's hoping I'll ask him to come back in. "I'll be right out here."

Once he's gone, Ben begins to talk. I can barely focus on him. I'm preoccupied with Logan. Since when has he been protective of me? Just a few months ago, he never would've come to bail me out of a situation like this. More than likely, he's be laughing at me for getting myself into this mess. Now, all of a sudden, he's beating people to a pulp for me. Ben sports a nasty bruise around his eye as proof. It's almost like Logan cares about me…

But why? We've barely interacted over the past year and a half, and the times we have haven't exactly been pleasant occasions. Maybe the fact that I was there for him during his mom's death changed something between us.

Whatever it is, I like it, even though I don't want to. He's my dead best friend's boyfriend. I'm pretty sure that her spirit is frowning at me for even contemplating feelings for him.

But I don't have feelings for him.

Ben is staring at me as if he's expecting a response. I quickly replay the last bit of the conversation. Something about him needing my help… Rolling his eyes at my confusion, he repeats the question. I agree to help him, standing up abruptly.

"Sorry about your face," I say, not really apologetic, and leave the room.

Logan is waiting outside the door like he promised. My heart is racing again, but in a very different way. Concerned, he turns to me. Again, I can't help noticing just how good looking he is.

'You do not have feelings for him,' I chastise myseld.

And yet…

Almost as if someone else has taking over my body, I lean up and kiss him gently.

'Veronica!' the voice in my head screams at me.

I pull back quickly and look up at him. Logan's eyes are wide and confused. Oh, I want to do it again. But I can't. He's _Logan_. Lily's Logan. What am I doing?

I turn and begin to walk away from him. I do _not _have feelings for him.

I feel a hand on my arm. Logan… I take a deep breath. My heart is doing an erratic dance in my chest. It's so loud, I'm sure he can hear it.

He doesn't hesitate. One minute, he's reached out to grab my arm. The next, I'm in his arms and he's kissing me. It's almost like time stopped when he touched me. I'm not aware of anything but the feel of him against me. So strong, so wonderful.

Oh damn. I have feelings for him.

We pull apart and just look at each other. The shock of what he's done is apparent on his face. I'm sure it is on mine too.

I _really _have feelings for him. With that realization, I can't help it. I have to leave. I'm sure Lily is out there somewhere, watching me in disgust. I'm ashamed and thrilled at the same time. I turn and walk quickly away.

As I make my way to my car, I steal glances at Logan. He looks practically dumbstruck. I want to go back, to kiss him again. But that's why I have to get into my car. That's why I have to drive away.


End file.
